Southwick residents Debbie and Chuck Van Etten with their children Alias and Henna. The couple has been fostering the siblings for several years and officially adopted them last week on National Adoption Day. This photo was taken at the courthouse. (Photo submitted)
SOUTHWICK – Chuck and Debbie Van Etten are feeling blessed this Thanksgiving. In fact, they feel twice blessed.
The Southwick couple is thankful that, finally, their longtime foster children are now their adopted children.
Alias and Hennessey have been loved by the Van Ettens since 2010, and on World Adoption Day last Friday, they officially became Van Ettens.
In 2009, Debbie and Chuck opened their hearts and their homes to foster children. With three children of their own – two in college and one about to graduate high school – they felt the time was right to fill their home with children once again. They thought they would give a temporary home to children whose parents were struggling, and for the most part, that’s just what they did. That all changed when then-two year-old Alias entered their lives.
“We got the call to get Alias in March of 2010,” Debbie said. “We found out he had a nine month old sister, but we were told we were only taking him.”
Two weeks later, when a social worker arrived for what Debbie thought was a routine pick-up so Alias could visit his biological mother, she got a surprise.
“He said he had some things in the trunk for us and I assumed they were for Alias,” Debbie said. “He started taking girl things out of the car and I said that Alias was a boy.”
Two hours later, the Van Ettens had Alias’ little sister and life took a turn the now 54 and 55 year-olds did not expect.
“She was kept in her crib all the time,” Debbie said. “She couldn’t hold her own head up.”
Baby Hennessey had a black eye and a fractured wrist and her little muscles were not developed. So it was off to the Westfield Infant Toddler program where Debbie said she “learned a lot.”
With a lot of hard work, she was finally walking and talking at almost two years old and is now “into everything.”
The challenges of two young children were not daunting enough to keep the Van Ettens from forging ahead, still thinking it was temporary.
“The plan was always reunification with their mother,” Debbie said. “But as time went on I wanted to hear her say that she loved her children and wanted them back, but she never did.”
Debbie said the mother admitted she had children to get money from the state, and during the foster and adoption process she met a man and had other children, which is ultimately why Debbie believes she agreed to allow the adoption. The biological father is present in their lives but is unable to take care of the children.
“He is young,” Debbie said, noting she has high hopes that he will turn his life around and have a family one day.
The Van Ettens included the “bio-dad,” as Debbie calls him, and his parents in the adoption ceremony.
“The judge said he had never seen so many people present for one adoption and was surprised the bio-dad and grandparents were there,” Debbie said. “But we wanted to have it be about the kids and it was a celebration – we went to lunch after and people gave them gifts. It is a blessing.”
The Van Ettens learned about becoming foster parents through their church, Westfield Evangelical Free Church, where they participate in a foster and adoption support group. Debbie said her church community has rallied around the family and supported them and it is something she highly recommends.
“Just do it,” she advised anyone even toying with the idea of becoming a foster parent. “There is such a need for people who can love these children, who, through no fault of their own, are not able to be with their parents.”
Debbie and Chuck fell in love with Alias and Hennessey and said they couldn’t imagine life without them once they became part of the family.
“Our older kids embraced them and loved them,” Debbie said, joking that “my youngest who is now 20 became a middle child.”
Debbie said caring for a child who desperately needs love – even if it’s for a weekend – is rewarding.
“That first day, Alias was so good, then at night he started whimpering and I held him in my arms and rocked him until he fell asleep,” Debbie recalled. “I just thought ‘this poor little man’ and my heart was overflowing.”
Now ages four and six, the newest Van Ettens are thriving, and Debbie and Chuck are happy and tired.
“They keep me young,” she said. “And I sleep great because I’m exhausted. It’s not anything we planned, but I’m just thankful we opened our hearts and our home.”
Six courthouses statewide celebrated the adoptions of over 130 children who had been in state foster care on Friday. The events marked the Commonwealth’s 11th annual National Adoption Day festivities.
Through no fault of their own, 7,000 children are living in foster care in Massachusetts right now. While most will return to their birth parents, over 500 of those youth still need a permanent, loving family identified for them. Nationally, over 100,000 children are waiting for adoption. National Adoption Day is celebrated to showcase adoption from foster care, and encourage other adults to see themselves as potential adoptive parents for the children who wait.
To learn more about National Adoption Day and adoption from foster care in general, visit the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) website, www.MAREinc.org.
