Claire Kotowicz is all smiles as she talks about the challenges she faced becoming a senior and caring for her elderly mother. (Photo by Chief Photographer Frederick Gore)
A group of men stay active with a friendly card game at the Southwick Senior Center. (Photo by Chief Photographer Frederick Gore)
SOUTHWICK – More and more seniors today find themselves caring for their senior parents. Facing the challenges of the aging process is made more difficult for them when they are dealing with the health of an elderly parent.
While the baby boomer generation is quickly approaching senior citizen status and having to face this reality, it is simply how things were done for generations.
Claire Kotowicz, 83, is a daily fixture at the Southwick Senior Center. Kotowicz cared for her aging mother, and along the way, became a senior herself.
Kotowicz said her mother was legally blind and deaf, and she cared for her for 30 years until her death in 1991 at age 93. Kotowicz said she worked full-time at the Third National Bank in Westfield and took care of her mother while raising six children with her husband. She would later care for her husband before his death in 2000.
Becoming a senior and handling her changing health while keeping up with her own mother’s needs was a struggle at times.
“It was difficult,” she said. “But I had a very good sister-in-law who lived next door and helped with my children.”
Kotowicz said as her children grew, they also helped take care of their grandmother.
“I wanted to take care of her,” she noted.
Kotowicz currently helps care for two of her children – both in their mid-60s – who have vision loss. Between caring for them, taking care of herself, and volunteering at the senior center, Kotowicz is extremely busy.
“I’m a Christian and I believe we’re here to serve,” she said. “I also do this because it keeps me going. When I’m busy I don’t think about my problems and my pain.”
Kotowicz reflected on her years as her mother’s caregiver and said her mother inspired her to be active as she became a senior.
“She was always one who wanted to go out,” said Kotowicz. “And I would do her hair, and put on her makeup, and we went out.”
Kotowicz advised other seniors to remain active, participate in their local senior center, and if they are caring for an elderly parent, have patience.
“I had a lot of patience,” she said. “When we grow old, we’re almost become like a baby again. You have to think about your parents differently and treat them differently – but do not treat them like children.”
Kotowicz said she has daily aches and pains, has a hearing aide, and receives regular injections to treat her macular degeneration. However, she still goes out every day to help others.
“Sometimes she forgets she is elderly,” said Southwick Council On Aging Director Cynthia Sullivan. “A lot of seniors, Claire in particular, can’t wrap their heads around being elderly. She doesn’t see herself in that category.”
Sullivan said this is especially true for many active younger seniors. Most participants at the senior center are older seniors.
“Seniors who are 60 or 65 are often very active and don’t realize there are services they could take advantage of,” Sullivan added.
Sullivan said there are services and programs for “new” seniors as well as seasoned ones, and generations are welcome to join in together.
For Shirley Odell, 79, frequent visits to the Southwick Senior Center with her elderly mother helped them bond.
Odell’s mother recently passed away, just weeks shy of her 101st birthday. Odell and her husband Whitey, 90, cared for both of Odell’s parents since 2003. When her father passed in 2006, the Odells moved into her mother’s home to care for her full time.
Like Kotowicz, Odell and her mother were both very active, something passed on through generations.
“My father water-skied until he was 88,” Odell said. “My mom was always a swimmer and growing up we were always outside.”
Odell said while there were difficulties caring for her elderly mother as she herself aged, she was grateful for the time spent together.
“We went to the senior center and played bingo and had lunch,” she said. “We took trips – we had a lot of fun together.”
Odell and her husband continue to participate in COA activities and both volunteer. Unfortunately, just one of the couple’s four children live in the area. Odell said caring for elderly parents was a family tradition.
“I grew up with three generations living in my house,” she said. “It was the Depression era, and that’s what you had to do.”
Odell understands times have changed.
“Now, you have to go where the jobs are and families are so split up,” said Odell.
Odell recommended visiting the COA to all seniors, but especially those caring for their more senior parents. She also offered a bit of advice to live harmoniously during the sometimes trying times that accompany the situation.
“You have to learn to let things go,” she said. “And sometimes, you have to give in.”
