WESTFIELD-As a teacher and grandmother, Paula Ancelli attended a workshop Thursday night at the Westfield Senior Center to learn more on how trauma affects children.
“I see kids who have been exposed to trauma, whether it is due to homelessness, the loss of a parent, or domestic violence,” said Ancelli, a reading specialist at the Franklin Avenue School. “We’re always on the lookout if a child’s behavior changes too since it could be trauma related.”
Ruth Bodian, MSW, LCSW, DCF Project Manager of the Massachusetts Child Trauma Project, presented a lecture titled “The Impact of Trauma on Children and Families,” hosted by the local Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group.
Ruth Bodian, MSW, LCSW, center, presented a workshop at the Westfield Senior Center Thursday night. She is seen sharing some thoughts before the event with Nancy Ritchie and Linda Mullen.
Ancelli’s attendance was two-fold – she lost her son-in-law two years ago in a tragic work-related accident and now she and her husband Gene are helping their daughter Gina Crossetti with her two boys, ages 3 and 5.
“We spend as much time as we can with the boys,” said Ancelli, adding “weekend outings are especially important.”
Gene Ancelli echoed those sentiments.
“We want the boys to succeed in all of the activities they participate in so we support them by attending their soccer games or taking them fishing or bike riding,” said Gene Ancelli.
Close to 30 local residents attended the program, including grandparents, teachers, counselors and school personnel. Bodian was animated during her two-hour presentation which included quick exercises that illustrated the importance of listening empathetically and validating one’s feelings, rather than dismissing what one is saying or offering a quick solution.
“It is very natural for all of us to want to help but sometimes we just need to be present and listen to what the child is telling us,” said Bodian. “Being present can be very impactful.”
Bodian noted that she shared the feelings of those in the audience since she too can relate to their feelings of frustration at times.
“I adopted my son at age 11 and he is now 21,” said Bodian. “Having real life experience has given me a valuable perspective on trauma as it involves children.”
Barbara and Ed Pemberton of Westfield are members of the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group which hosted a lecture Thursday night at the Westfield Senior Center. They are seen participating in an communication exercise.
Bodian stressed throughout her talk about the importance of validating all feelings that the child is experiencing.
“All feelings are acceptable to validate but not all behaviors,” said Bodian. “Regardless of what you think about the situation, when the child is in a moment of having a fit, it is not the time to address it, rather validate the feelings and bring calm to the situation.”
Bodian was candid that key phrases should be avoided including “It’s not such a big deal,” and “It’s silly to be so angry about that.”
“It takes a lot of work with kids to find the right time to talk about the situation,” said Bodian, adding, “give them some space.”
Bodian adapted her talk to address not only concerns that grandparents had but also educators who see kids acting out every day.
“The impact of child traumatic stress may have a profound effect on a child’s perception of self, the world, and the future,” said Bodian. “If a child especially experiences trauma early in life (birth to age 5), they can lose the ability to trust others, question their sense of personal safety, and lose the ability to regulate moods and behaviors.”
Bodian explained that our brains are wired for survival and as we grow up with caregivers we develop connections with each other.
“Kids with high levels of stress who haven’t formed close bonds with others react in the moment which is not always rational,” she said.
Throughout the talk Bodian interjected scenarios she has experienced over the years with her son and stressed that even when times get tough one has to stay hopeful.
Gene and Paula Ancelli participate in an exercise with their daughter Gina Crossetti during a Thursday night workshop hosted by the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group.
“A child who has experienced trauma is extremely perceptive,” said Bodian. “Their survival rests on what is going on around them. Your ability to stay calm in the moment and provide positive reinforcement whenever possible is extremely important.”
Bodian shared her techniques for staying calm in the moment that includes taking some deep breaths, relaxing one’s muscles, counting to 10, walking away for a moment or repeating a self-affirmation statement.
“Keep yourself grounded and take a moment before you respond,” said Bodian, adding she encourages adults to also involve the children in these techniques.
Bodian also suggested that a “calm down spot” might be another technique that could help the adult and child.
“Create a sense of containment with a tent or other covering,” said Bodian, adding it is helpful if the child is part of the creation process.
Bodian’s suggestions for the calm down spot included sensory toys like play doh, squeeze toys, paper and crayons for drawing, feeling faces flash cards, bubbles and water to drink.
“To undo damage it takes a lot of patience,” said Bodian, noting that 10 years later she still has issues with her son. “They will come around but it is in their time.”
Barbara and Ed Pemberton, members of the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group, were glad they attended the evening program.
“We have been raising two grandchildren for 10 years,” said Ed Pemberton. “We’ve seen the highs and lows. Being a member of the support group has been invaluable to us because we walk the same walk that others are doing and can share the same experiences.”
The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group meets monthly and is open to residents in the Greater Westfield area. The next gathering is slated Oct. 6 from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Westfield Senior Center and will feature representatives from the State House who will discuss resources available for grandparents.
For more information on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, call (413) 562-2301 or send an email to [email protected].
