by Norman Halls, contributor
It’s time that we try to understand each other. We can stand next to one and other in line and draw an opinion about the person. In church after the service is over, each parishioner turn and shake hands with one other. Not just next to you, but even across the pews. Very nice gestor. The other day I had to go a lab, the women taking my information had a Caribbean accent, after speaking for a while she told me she was from Jamaica. She was pleased we spoke. In my past career, we taught a number of foreign students different vocational subjects. There were a few Russian students, when I would meet them in the classroom or hall I would say – hello. They would just nod. But, when I would say hello in Russian, ??????, the reaction was different. There are many advantages to learning a language, even if only a few words. Some people have a skepticism toward foreigners. They criticize and can be cruel. My folks both came from Norway. Dad had a thick Nordic accent, I remember a kid made a comment about it thinking it was German. In the middle 40’s anyone with an accent like that was criticized.
Sometimes when we ask a question, we know that people might be reluctant to give a true opinion. Maybe they’re worried about angering someone, or appearing unsophisticated, or admitting what they actually think or do. We tend to assume that other people have had life histories at least somewhat similar to their own. Wrote Gretchen Rubin in her book, “Want to Know What Someone Really Thinks?” The reaction to the person you are talking to, will give you a facial understanding when you ask a question. If you want to better understand someone’s personality, there’s no shortage on decisions. “The more frequently people rated others as kindhearted, happy, emotionally stable, or courteous, the more likely they were to rate themselves as having these traits, and the more likely to agree. Seeing others positively reveals our own positive traits,” psychologist Dustin Wood commented.
I have had a diverse career. I worked in many jobs which allowed me to come in contact with a large number of people. I’ve been able to have a conversation with neighbors, businesses, clients, fellow golfers and social organizations. How do you introduce yourself is important. “If you feel particularly insecure with an introduction make your introduction all about you short. Brief introductions are always best. Provide the bare minimum the other person needs to know, not in an attempt to maintain distance but because during the conversation more can be revealed in a natural, unforced, and therefore much more memorable way.” According to Jeff Haden, “The Perfect Way to Introduce Yourself”
The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right outside Your Door, by Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon. Pathak; Pathak and Runyon gathered a group of twenty leaders to brainstorm ways they could better serve their communities. Bob Frie, mayor of Arvada (one of the cities within the greater Denver area), joined them, and the group asked Frie a simple question: How can we best work together to serve our city? The ensuing discussion revealed a laundry list of social problems similar to what many cities face. Then the mayor said something that stopped cold the discussion. “The majority of issues that our community is facing would be eliminated or drastically reduced if we might just figure out a way to become a community of great neighbors.”
In the “good old days” when people sat on their front porches discussing the latest news and politics. “Today’s families tend to be busier and connect through social media and the internet, making those front porch talks almost a thing of the past. Yet the need to feel connected hasn’t changed. “A strong sense of community is like an anchor, giving a deep sense of security to children and families. Bright Horizons Family Solutions suggests in; “How to Build Relationships with Neighbors” Make a point to be more aware of what’s going on in your neighborhood. Also, find meaningful ways to connect. Express appreciation to the service workers who help every day.” Your neighbors aren’t the only members of your neighborhood. Just remember, don’t become a nosy neighbor.
Understanding their world in a conversation in a social situation can be a challenge, making eye contact can immediately give the interaction a sense of connection and belonging. The importance of forming a rapport is to feel secure and have something in common. The conversation should kept basic for most of the people that we interact with on a daily basis. The elements of a good conversation experience every day show a friend that we’re interested.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” — Bryant H. McGill
Getting understanding of one’s world begins with a basic capacity most all of us share. We all have experiences—sensations, thoughts, intentions, emotions, etc. Interest is the next factor. Being curious about the experience of the other person is a vital part of getting their world. Their world, what they see. “This curiosity can arise from a desire to understand someone—such as what they believe or their intentions. This curiosity can also arise from a desire to feel close or connected to someone by feeling some of their feelings along with them. This curiosity is what gives us the energy to try and get someone’s world. Often this curiosity gives rise to asking a question that you are genuinely curious to know the answer to. You ask this question out loud as an expression of this curiosity— “I’m curious about….” Then, you will likely get a response—something about their world.” From “The Integral Center.”
